I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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