She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if only i could text you this smell
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
