is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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