I wish my penis had an off switch
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize