all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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