you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
