Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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