Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
