I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
