hell yes lets make some ravioli
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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