I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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