I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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