You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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