I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
