420 ftw
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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