My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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