Don't make out with my wife yet
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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