My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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