The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I could fuck to npr.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize