He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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