it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
