I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
