And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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