Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
