Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
