wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
