Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
