She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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