ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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