first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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