Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so much tequila, so little girl.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
