Jerry, you need to find god
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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