May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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