I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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