ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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