Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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