Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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