I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
