I'll bet she douches with gravy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
