In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This toilet bowl is my home.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
