Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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