So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
