I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize