He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
