Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
