Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's like iHOP with fire
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
