Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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