my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My penis needs a shock collar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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