You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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