Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
