Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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