Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
