I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize