I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.