gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy