Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.