Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Randomize
Follow @tfln