Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
