I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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