So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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