Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
