I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
