So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
