I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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